Others have written about overuse and gender dynamics around saying “sorry”. Here I encourage you to use this simple word as a case study to up your confidence and professional communication.

Start with awareness. If you find yourself saying “sorry” frequently, be curious about the situations and reasons. Are you apologizing for the universe (traffic) or for being human (illness)? Remember – we want you here, and are not expecting super-human perfection.

Alternately, are you apologizing again and again for something that you could correct? What is stopping you from making the needed change?

Look for situations where you can make a simple verbal shift toward “thank you”. Instead of “Sorry I’m late”, try “Thank you for waiting for me and I understand that our meeting will still need to end on time.” Instead of “I’m sorry I forgot to add in those citations”, try “Thank you for still being willing to work with me on this project. I’ll take care of this right away and will check more carefully next time”. Shifting the conversation to your gratitude, and taking responsibility for correction, is much more likely to strengthen your relationships with others than a pat “sorry”.

And when you have the stomach lurch signaling a true need for relationship repair, say your “sorry” slowly, with meaning, as a promise not to repeat the harm.

Mistakes happen. It’s how you move forward that matters. A pro-active, relationship-preserving attitude and taking responsibility for making right is acceptable everywhere.